What Remains Behind
by scribonia
Summary: Although the plane that Rachel takes to London crashes in the Atlantic, death is no obstacle to her plan to stop Ross marrying Emily. But should she carry out that plan? Rachel finds Emily.
1. Prologue

**What Remains Behind**

AN: this fic is darker than my previous ones, and not intended to be humorous in any way. There will be no miraculous escapes or sudden awakenings from strange dreams – but death is not necessarily the end, as will be seen.

**Prologue**

When an aircraft is about to crash, some people know exactly what is going on. A few sit silently thinking, 'see I was right,' because they have always felt that any flight they were on was bound to crash sooner or later. They have never really been able to believe that a great lump of metal could stay airborne, and what do you know, it can't. They are only experiencing what they have known all along would happen, and in a curious way are almost reconciled to imminent doom.

Some pray to their maker, some scream to block out all other sensation, and some fret about things done and not done. 'Who's going to pick up the shoes from the menders' right through to, 'I wish I'd made it up with him.' 'I can't believe that my last words to her were that her seams weren't straight.'

But there are some who are cocooned in a belief that what is happening is not in fact happening. 'Goodness, people can be so silly, haven't they encountered turbulence before?' No fear is felt before the moment that deprives them of anything to feel fear with. Rachel was lucky in this, if in nothing else.


	2. Earlier

**Earlier**

Rachel felt restless. Everyone save for herself and Phoebe were in London having a wonderful time, there to watch Ross get married to the English girl who'd just turned up one day, less than three months ago. Three months ago Ross had been bumbling through a series of short lived relationships, seemingly with a desire to get back with her. When Emily arrived, all that was changed, and somehow things that seemed to make things so right for him made her feel unsettled.

She had taken off for the day, trawling around the boutiques, but there was no place she could be in body or in mind where she could be comfortable. No, no no, she thought to herself. She didn't love Ross. She wasn't feeling jealous or any sense of loss that he was getting married to someone else. No, not her. She was feeling a bit surprised, yes, because it was surprising. The whole thing was so quick and so unexpected – half of the time Emily hadn't even been in New York. If you added up the number of hours he must have spent with her, the total would have been pitifully small. Then suddenly Ross made the decision to marry her, to spend the rest of his life with her.

And Rachel had lost Joshua, so naturally she was feeling bad about things. It was Joshua she was in to, not Ross and losing him made her feel bad. So that she could put herself in touch with the true source of her feelings, she tried to think about Joshua instead, once so important, with his blue eyes – but were they brown? She bit her lip in consternation at her failure of memory. It didn't matter what colour they were or that she couldn't remember. That just meant that she was just getting better at getting over people.

She'd learned a thing or two in the last year about how to manage herself and her feelings. She didn't need to learn the same lessons twice, not her. She'd recovered from Joshua and that was another proof the way she was feeling had nothing to do with Ross, because if she was over Joshua, it stood to reason that she had to be over Ross. That was an idea she left alone before further probing shattered it.

She was feeling bad about it because she was in New York with Phoebe and everyone else was in London, sharing a big day in Ross's life. Friends should be together sharing the good times, and it was a moment of silliness for her when she'd decided not to go. The others were going to be talking about the whole London thing forever. Do you remember? She wouldn't. A key moment in her friend's – yes her friend – life and she was going to be missing it, for no reason that seemed sensible to her at this very minute.

She had walked miles, along streets and through department malls and it was the stupidest thing that brought her up short. A blow up doll of Barney the Dinosaur. Ross had pointed out to her absurd detail about how inaccurate it was when she had been foolish enough to ask him how come he was so sure that a dinosaur couldn't have had purple skin.

She loved Ross.

Rachel and Ross were supposed to be together and although he might achieve happiness of a sort with Emily the bad tempered (why had everyone forgotten that?) she knew she would never find a substitute. It was only Ross. It could only ever be Ross. She had been denying it for too long, holding out for everything. They had not been on a break, but she should have swallowed her pride and not held out for his acknowledgment of the true facts. You can't have everything you want – that was the way a child thought, thinking that if you wanted it enough, everything would be perfect in every detail. Of course no-one could have everything they wanted. Once they were together again, he wouldn't stray – that was the important thing, wasn't it?

She owed it to herself and to Ross to tell him the truth. They had such a history and that meant that he had to feel the same way, deep down. Her feelings could not be without an answer from his. She couldn't do anything about it once he was married. Even if he realised his true feelings afterwards, he would never do the wrong thing, and neither would she.

Did he have feelings for Emily? It was hard to tell in the midst of his infatuation with Emily whether what he felt for her was genuine or not. She was sure that Ross thought he was in love with Emily. He wasn't playing a game of using her to make Rachel feel jealous. He would never use another person in that way. If he had proposed to Emily, he must have meant it in that moment, however rash his decision to ask had been.

Rachel felt an ache of jealousy. She and Ross had been together for a year, he had loved her since the ninth grade, but he had never been close to proposing, yet after a few weeks, he was willing to propose to Emily. And then rush forward into the marriage after mere weeks of engagement. She had had the right word before – infatuation. He was infatuated, and Emily probably was too, since the whole thing had been just as quick for her. Rachel didn't want to dwell on Emily's feelings Ross. She was in a uncomfortable place between wishing that she didn't care (but how could she not, Ross was wonderful) and wishing that she did (which was an uncomfortable feeling.) Best to block her out altogether.

She set her steps for home, already deciding what to take to London.


	3. Ask The Cards A Question

_AN: I forgot to mention that the timing of Rachel's change of mind was earlier than it was on the show, so that Phoebe will get the message through about Rachel's decision the afternoon before._

**Ask The Cards A Question**  
Rachel dropped by Phoebe's apartment to let her know that she was leaving.  
'Are you feeling better, Rach?' Phoebe asked anxiously when she saw her at the door. She knew perfectly well what kind of turmoil Rachel was in.  
'I'm going to London,' Rachel announced. 'I'm going to tell Ross how I feel.'  
'Oh,' Phoebe said, taken aback.  
'That's great isn't it? That's what I'm supposed to do.'  
'Sure Rach,' Phoebe said, startled by her sudden decisiveness. 'I mean, you're sure about this?' Encouraging Rachel to own up to the truth about her feelings had seemed a good idea, when there was no danger of anything happening, but she realised now that a disaster loomed. It could all get very ugly very quickly if Rachel turned up and made her announcement. After all, for one thing, it wasn't guaranteed that Ross would feel the same way. And what if she made her announcement in front of Emily? She was going to have to warn them, or someone, to do something.   
'I've never more sure about anything,' Rachel said firmly. 'I've been deceiving myself all this time. I love Ross, I admit it, and now it's time to do something about it, before it's too late.' Rachel bit her lip. It had better not be too late. 'It won't be too late,' she said.

Rachel was busy packing and there wasn't much that Phoebe could do to help so she sat at home at a table and started arranging cards. She'd had these out the night before and she gathered them up now, shuffled them and started to think what she wanted to know. She could not ask if Ross loved Rachel – she had already asked that question and they had said yes, but that could be friend love, so that answer hadn't helped.

Would Rachel actually break up the wedding?

That seemed to be the key question. If she didn't, Rachel's cause was hopeless – poor thing, and all she would do was cause trouble – trouble that might lose her Ross's friendship. Trouble that might divide Monica's loyalties. Phoebe shuddered. They needed to avoid that kind of ugliness but something had to be done for Rachel, if possible.

Phoebe thought of Rachel's face, shorn of any pretence and vulnerable. It was tragic to discover who your true love was when he was no longer with you. The cynical, streetwise side of herself, the side that had allowed her to survive in the lean years, had something to say at this point, but Phoebe ruthlessly suppressed it, as the cards tumbled out of her hands. She would find out the answer and hope that this would guide her to the correct course of action.

She picked the cards up, and gathered them back into a pile. She would see first if Rachel would stop the wedding. She arranged the cards quickly, put the unused cards to one side and looked at the pattern. Secretly, she had feared an inconclusive answer, one that her imagination would have to supplement, as occurred more times than she would admit to anyone, but here it was plain to see. She'd never had such a direct answer.

The wedding would not take place.

She sat back in her chair. It would all work out for the best, there'd be no wedding, they'd come back home and…

But what if the wedding was stopped because Rachel made a scene and Emily called it off? That wouldn't mean that Ross had acknowledged his feelings towards Rachel - in fact quite the reverse. He might turn on her, see her as his enemy for ruining his wedding. 

So Phoebe asked another question.

Ross would not be mad at Rachel.

Phoebe breathed a sigh of relief. She would stop the wedding, her two friends would find happiness in each other, and everyone would be happy. Possibly Emily wouldn't be happy – Phoebe allowed herself to think of Emily's welfare, now that it was confirmed her wedding was doomed. She must have a true love somewhere else, that would be the answer. Everyone had one, somewhere and she needed to be free for him, whether she knew it or not. What was that saying – you had to be cruel to be kind? 

She looked at the rest of the pattern to see what it showed, but there was nothing to show the short term and long term consequences of the action. Instead there was just confusion. She had made a note of how the cards had fallen the first time, and she rearranged the cards in that pattern, but here too was confusion, and after about half an hour of trying to puzzle out meaning, she let it alone. The cards had been clear enough, so unusually clear in answering the main message that they must have sacrificed clarity of meaning in the rest of it. You only had so many cards, and it probably violated some universal law to tell a person too much in them.

When Rachel stopped by her door once more, to say goodbye, Phoebe threw her arms around her.  
'Good luck!' Rachel's anxious face became surprised. Phoebe realised that Rachel must have noticed her consternation at the announcement that Rachel was going to London and be wondering why she was so sure now.  
'Good luck?'  
'I've got good feelings about this.' It was the closest Phoebe would get to telling her what the cards had said. But acting as though you knew what the future held might cause the fates to be perverse, and change what the future did hold, so for Rachel's sake, she would say no more.  
'I'm glad you do – I'd better go,' Rachel said, giving her another hug goodbye. 'Take care.' Phoebe smiled.  
'I will,' she said.

When Rachel had gone, Phoebe returned to the table to put the cards back into a pack. She didn't notice that the Queen of Hearts was missing from the pack, having fallen under the table during her earlier mishap.  
_**  
**_


	4. A Friend In Need

**A Friend in Need**

Rachel did not wanted to call Walthams under any circumstances – the less contact the better, and what if Emily was the one to answer the phone? – so she decided to call Monica instead, early in the morning New York time, early afternoon London time, the day before the wedding that she was trying to stop. Monica could tell Ross, not that Rachel loved him, because that was a personal message, to be delivered face to face, but simply that she was on her way. He could prepare himself until he saw her again. Hopefully the knowledge that she was on her way would make him wake up to the truth.

'Rachel,' Monica exclaimed, 'I'm glad you called.'

'Are you?' Rachel asked in surprise. Had something gone wrong already, without her being there? She felt suddenly hopeful that it had, and that the something was to do with Emily, because then it would save her some trouble. 'Why? What's happened?' Monica sighed.

'I just miss you being around.'

'Are Emily's family being okay?' Please say no, Rachel said. Please say they are horrible, and that Ross is biting his tongue all the time, and that Emily is reminding him of them.

'Well her father and my father are not exactly hitting it off because of the cost,' Monica said dismissively. 'They're treating me okay. Emily's stepmother is treating me okay. I wish I could say the same for my mother.'

'Oh Mon,' Rachel said, 'What's wrong?'

'She's just being herself. I don't measure up. She's never going to see me get married, I'm going to be an old maid.' There was a trace desperation there, and Rachel felt for her. It wasn't right that her mother did this to her. Did she think it was helping? Of course not. Like a lot of mothers - and fathers - she was just making remarks that reflected her own feelings, not expressing concern for her daughter.

'You will get married,' Rachel said, 'You're wonderful. You'll get married, and to the right person, someone who wants what you want.' It was no use Monica getting nostalgic about Richard just because she happened to be at a wedding. He had not wanted what she had wanted.

'I guess…'

'That's just the way your mother is, don't listen to her,' Rachel said firmly.

'It's hard. I wonder when it's going to be my turn, that's all,' Monica said. 'And if it was my special day coming up, instead of Ross's, would I be okay with her?'

'Of course,' Rachel said, though she knew that was probably not true. On the other hand, if it was Monica's big day, she would probably be too busy to notice.

'I don't want to waste your call on talking about me,' Monica said, sounding bright in a way that made Rachel feel all the sadder. 'I'm sure you called for a reason. Is Phoebe okay?'

'Phoebe's fine. I called to say I'm coming over. I've changed my mind, I'm coming to the wedding.'

'Oh,' Monica said, 'That's great, I'm so glad and I'm sure Ross will be happy too. What made you change your mind?'

'I just thought I should be there. I mean a good friend is getting married! How can I not be there? So I just decided to buy a ticket,' Rachel said, matching Monica's fake brightness with some of her own.

'Will you be okay?' Monica asked. She wouldn't burden Monica with her true thoughts, Rachel decided. She had enough to bring her down.

'Of course,' Rachel said, 'That's why I'm coming. Everything is going to be fine Monica, you're going to catch the bouquet.'

'And you're going to have fun too, right?'

'I will,' Rachel assured her.

After Monica hung up, she felt brighter. Aside from her mother's attitude, Monica enjoyed being in London; she liked her bridesmaid's dress, she liked Emily and the whole wedding business was exciting. Here was her brother getting married for the second time. Of course, it wasn't desirable that it was the second time – ideally, it should be just one marriage, lasting forever, but considering the first divorce wasn't at all his fault, he could be excused a second marriage. If it wasn't for Richard not wanting… she was relieved that the thought of him did not cause her pain for him – it was the situation she regretted now, not the man.

Monica found Ross and told him the news, and then was criticised by her mother again. Rachel couldn't be here soon enough, she thought despondently. There was no-one she could talk to. She turned around and caught Chandler's eye.

'Hey,' he said.

'Hey, guess what? Rachel's coming.'

'That's good,' Chandler said, looking into Monica's eyes. 'You've been looking a bit down.'

'Oh,' Monica said, thrown at being seeing through this way. 'It's just…'

'I know. Every time you come away from your mother, you're like that.' Monica didn't know what to say. Chandler took her hand.

'Why don't we escape for a while?'

* * *

When Ross heard that Rachel was coming to the wedding, his first thought was one of relief. He hadn't felt good when Rachel had decided not to come to the wedding. She was one of his friends, and it was bad enough that Phoebe couldn't share it. Phoebe couldn't help it. Rachel had made the decision that she wouldn't attend, and that was harder to take, but she had been firm. 

He had wondered about Emily's remark about it being odd to invite exes to weddings, and whether that had anything to do with it. But Rachel wasn't just an ex, she was his friend, a good friend and all of that was in the past. She knew that as well as he did. He'd be happy enough to watch her get married, and he'd be hurt if she had excluded him. When Rachel had decided not to come, that had seemed to bear out what Emily had said, but now that she'd changed her mind, he could be relieved again. She was coming as a friend, and it would be okay between them.

At the rehearsal dinner, after he and Emily had greeted each other, he nearly told her that Rachel was coming, but thought better of it when he heard Emily say,

'Oh, I adore that.' Someone had pushed towards her to show her something, and the word 'adore' made Ross think of Emily's use of it in connection with Rachel when he'd challenged her about not wanting Rachel there. She'd acquiesced quickly enough, but she done that because she wanted to please him, not because she wanted Rachel there. Because she'd agreed without argument, Ross hadn't thought to investigate any further, but now that he heard her use the word 'adore' in something more like the tone of voice it should be used, Ross thought that perhaps Emily did not understand the true nature of his friendship with Rachel. He would have to get that straight with her... Then Joey said something ridiculous, and he shelved the problem of Rachel until later.


	5. Floating

Floating on the sea 

She was on the surface of the ocean, floating among the debris, alone, in semi darkness. It was world of water and sky and of nothing else. Well, how in the world had she survived that? It was absolutely incredible. The plane crashed and she hadn't even lost her purse, which she still had in her hand on impact, because she had been looking for a tissue. She could almost laugh. At least she wouldn't need to arrange to replace her credit cards.

She turned over and swam to one of the larger pieces of debris, still clutching her purse in one hand. She hoped it would take her weight if she climbed on top of it. It was difficult to get on it, because the edge was awkward, but it didn't sink and she took stock of her situation.

Oddly she wasn't cold – that would come later, because she was feeling quite numb. Nothing hurt. She didn't even feel wet. That would only be natural, after everything she'd been through. There was a hint of the dawn that was to come on the horizon, but as yet, there was only the light from the moon. There was no-one out there, she was sure of that. Not a single soul. She called out anyway, in the hopes of an answer. After all, if she had survived, why not someone else? There must be someone. Please don't let her be on her own.

But there was no sound.

'Oh,' she said to herself. It was comforting in some respect to hear some sound other than the lapping of the waves, even if her voice disappeared into nothingness.. That was it. She was the sole survivor. How had she done it? How had she been the lucky one? She ran her hands over her body. She must have taken some hurt, somewhere. They'd never believe her at home if she didn't have some scratches. But her numb hands could probe no areas of tenderness.

Then she noticed it, looking at her arm and feeling it with the other hand. Her sleeve wasn't wet. She patted herself down again, looking at her torso and legs as she did so. None of her clothes were wet. It was an illusion, surely, even if an illusion of sight and touch. She could not have climbed out of the water, and still be perfectly dry. She looked at her purse. It was open, but the inside was also perfectly dry. The tissues and wedding invitation were dry, as was everything else. She trailed a hand in the water. No ripple was raised by her action.

She hadn't survived.

She looked at her hand – but what did she see, and what did she do the seeing with? She knew now that her body was beneath the waves, where no-one would see it again.

A dream.

Not a dream. No-one had survived. Nobody did survive air crashes like this. The reality could not imagined away. Whatever she was imagining with.

Why was she here? After you died, weren't things supposed to happen? Angels? Or something. You were supposed to go somewhere, not hang around where you died. Only ghosts did that…


	6. At the Airport

AN: The next chapter has been written and is longer than this one, but just needs to be checked.**  
**

**At the Airport**

When Chandler arrived at the airport, at first he couldn't see the flight number on the indicator boards. He knew that he had the right number, but he checked his piece of paper just to be sure. Then he noticed it, there with a blank next to it. What did a blank mean? Had it been cancelled? He saw the indicator board change over as a flight landed, its number and the word 'landed' appearing, scrolling the rest of the flights down one, except for Rachel's flight number, which stayed where it was, at the top.

Chandler stared at the board for ten minutes, as the arrivals continued in their orderly progression and as the tannoy system poured out its continuous stream of messages. Did that mean the flight had been cancelled, he thought, his mind grasping for the most innocent explanation. Later, he realised that he had worked it out straight away, but the news was so shocking that in his mind, firewalls had sprung up, preventing him from fully absorbing it. He walked over to the information desk.

'What's with AirExpress 567?' he asked. The information woman looked serious.

'Didn't you see the news sir?' Who watched the news when they were on holiday? He shook his head. Over the information woman's shoulder he could see other airport staff, doing their jobs, but now he recognised a look of seriousness. Oh yes, a part of him knew the answer without needing to be told. 'The plane crashed in the Atlantic four hours ago.' Four hours ago. Phoebe might only be getting up. She wouldn't have heard anything about it, unless she had had a premonition. He'd never believed in her premonitions and he wouldn't be surprised to learn that she hadn't had one about this.

'What? Why?' Chandler asked. He didn't remember what the answer was, and he didn't remember how he had walked away from the information desk.

A few minutes, consciousness of his surroundings returned, along with his mental functions. Standing in the middle of the arrivals hall, it occurred to him that if the plane crashed, it didn't mean that Rachel was on it. He returned to the information desk and asked where he could find the passenger list. He was not surprised to hear that he had been given this information already.

He then joined the queue leading to the passenger lists, trying to block out the sounds of people weeping.

'I wasn't going to,' said a harassed looking woman. 'He does this all the time, but I just…' The older woman next to her squeezed her hand. The snippet made no sense to him, but it was as much as he cared to hear. It was just too painful. A person ahead of him in the queue said,

'Typical,' but the sound was one of relief, returning from the desk. That inquirer was not one of the unlucky ones and had no business being there any more. Someone then, had not been on the plane. That person might not have been the only person on the plane. But she was there. Rachel K Green.

'Thanks,' Chandler said, on automatic pilot.

It would be his job to tell everyone, but first he had to sit quietly.


	7. The Fall Out

**The fall out**

Meanwhile with the nervous bridegoom, there was chaos. The ring had gone missing.

'I can't believe it!' he exclaimed, as Chandler walked in, 'how can it be lost again?' From the way he said it, it was clear that he'd made this exclamation several times already. Seeing Chandler, Ross said, 'Chandler, look for the ring. Hurry, I'm running out of time.' Ross started rummaging through his already disordered things. 'This is your fault,' he told Joey, 'If you'd spent time paying attention to where things were instead of flirting with that girl.'

'It's traditional to flirt at weddings,' Joey said, turning out his pockets again. 'We'll find it man, don't worry.'

'I'll have to borrow a ring,' Ross moaned. 'It won't fit her. Either it will be too small or it will fall off her hand. I had that ring resized so that it's a perfect fit…' Chandler ignored them and instead sat in a chair. He had thought it over on the way here. There was a possibility that he could conceal the news from everyone until the wedding was over. He could just say that the plane was delayed or that Rachel had been late for the plane and missed it. But the idea of telling a lie that ought to have been true just froze him. It won't bring her back - and would anyone believe him, when what had happened would be there for all to see in his eyes.

'Hey, what is it?' Joey said. Ross stopped searching, and looked at Chandler. Both of them were reading the message in his eyes as Chandler looked from one to the other.

'Rachel's plane crashed on the way here.' Both Joey and Ross sat down, absorbing the news in silence.

'Y-you must have made a mistake,' Ross said at last.

'I did not make a mistake,' Chandler said wearily. 'Her name is on the passenger list of the plane that went down. I called Phoebe to make sure.' He shook his head at the memory. She had wailed, 'I knew something would go wrong when I realised I'd left the Queen of Hearts out of the pack.' He could not even contemplate asking her what the hell that meant. He had found the call harrowing and it had taken everything he had to persuade her not to call the others so that he could tell them first.

'But how…' Ross said. Chandler had bought a newspaper on the way back, wanting to know the 'how' himself. He had kept only the front page, folded up and tucked into the pocket of the jeans he had expected to be changing out of. He hadn't a thought to spare for changing into his tuxedo; he pulled out the page and unfolded it.

Ross and Joey seized the page.

'Engine failure. That could mean anything,' Ross said. They would find out when they went to the crash site though what they would be expecting to recover, Chandler didn't know. He pushed the page at Joey and went to the window and looked out, his face averted. You didn't need to make a noise when you cried.

'Have you told Monica?' Joey asked, his voice sounding harsh in the silence.

'Not yet,' Chandler said, his voice breaking slightly against his will. He could not bear to put it off any longer and he got up. 'I'll do it now.'

Monica was with Emily and the other bridesmaids. Chandler could hear through the door that it was a happy room and he regretted having to call Monica out of it all. With laughter, and jokes from the women that would have made him feel self conscious in other circumstances, Monica was allowed to leave the room. She looked so wonderful, Chandler thought, radiant and happy.

'I can't be long,' Monica said. Chandler nodded, and took her by the hand, leading her to the room he'd just left. 'And you, you haven't changed yet. You'd better hurry too.' But she was sensing that this was serious and said, 'What's wrong, where's Rachel?'

'Something happened to the plane,' Chandler said as he showed her into the room. Monica's eyes widened.

'What?'

'It crashed.' Her eyes flicked from Chandler to Ross who was still standing by the window. 'Ross?'

'It's true,' he said, not looking at her. Wordlessly, Joey held up the front page.

'No,' Monica whispered. Chandler took her into an embrace. They were joined by Joey. And then by Ross

They didn't know how long they had been like that, shielding themselves from the truth, until they heard someone clearing his throat behind them. They broke apart to see Ross and Emily's fathers looking at them.

'What's up?' Jack asked. 'You're not even ready.'

'Rachel died in a plane crash,' Ross said.

'Rachel is a good friend of ours,' Chandler said, seeing that the older men's faces were blank. 'We just heard. She was supposed to be here.' That should be enough of an explanation for them. The older men looked at each other, concerned only with the wedding. Emily's father said hesitantly.

'Does Emily know?'

'No,' Ross said, 'I'd better tell her.' He broke free of the others. 'She should know too.'

He walked straight to the room where Emily was getting ready. With just one warning knock, he walked in. She was seated in front of a mirror while her cousin Felicity adjusted something in her hair, in the kind of fussing that is done when a woman has been ready for a while but is being kept waiting. They both turned to look at him as he entered the room.

'Ross,' Emily exclaimed with a smile. She looked so lovely, Ross thought, feeling even worse. 'You shouldn't be here,' she laughed, 'It's bad luck – ' but she had seen the look on his face, and fell silent as Ross said to Felicity,

'Would you give us a few minutes please?' Felicity looked stricken, and with a glance at Emily, she left the room.

'What's wrong?' She stood up but he indicated to her that she should sit, and pulled up a chair for himself.

'I'm sorry Emily,' he said, to her suddenly very pale face, 'I've just had some bad news. I know you didn't know her well and wouldn't feel like I do. Rachel was coming to the wedding.' He couldn't continue.

'Was?' Emily prompted.

'The plane crashed.' Emily's eyes widened.

'Crashed? But how could that happen…' she broke off the unanswerable question. She hugged him and he held her for a while.

'I just…' he broke off as he released. 'I'm sorry Emily, I can't think about anything else at the moment, it's just too awful. I – I'll get married today if you want, but I don't feel in the mood for celebration.' They had been holding hands but she let his hand go. How could she marry him today after a statement like that? And even if he hadn't said anything, it was clear to her that a wedding in such circumstances would be tainted in their memories forever. A cold shadow passed over her and she had a sudden conviction that they would never get married – not today, not ever. She pulled the tiara off her head and started removing the pins that did up her hair. The rapidity of her movements disguised the trembling in her hands.

'It's all right.' She wouldn't cry until she was alone. The death of her relationship was something only she could be expected to mourn.

'I love you Emily,' Ross said.

'I love you too, Ross,' she said. It felt like goodbye, even though they weren't at the end of their conversation. 'So what will you do? I suppose you and Monica, and the others will want to go back to New York as soon as possible.'

'I hadn't thought,' Ross said.

'No, I suppose not,' Emily said.

'I'll see what Monica wants to do,' Ross said. They walked out together, where quite a few people were milling about. Emily left him to join her father in telling him what they had decided while Ross returned to his group of friends, as forlorn as they'd been when he'd left them.

'Emily's undone her hair,' Monica observed.

'We're not getting married today,' Ross said. 'We've decided to – ' but they hadn't decided anything yet.

'Oh,' Monica said, 'You guys didn't have to do that.' A tear rolled down her cheek.

'Yes we did,' Ross said.

'But Rachel wouldn't have wanted that. She was coming to see the wedding,' Monica said fiercely, 'You can't make her death for nothing. You have to get married today.'

'No,' Ross said as Emily approached.

'I'm sorry to hear about Rachel,' she said formally.

'You should get married, you should,' Monica insisted, 'It's what she would have wanted.'

'We will, but just not today,' Emily said. 'We can't get married today, it's just too sad.' Ross put an arm around her shoulder. They listened as Emily's father announced the cancellation of the wedding. 'I'd better get out of this dress,' Emily said, 'I'll see you at the hotel.' She neatly escape Ross's arm.

'Come on,' Chandler said to Joey and Monica, 'Let's go.'

Ross did not escape the clutches of his family so easily.

**_

* * *

Next chapter: what Rachel does next…_**


	8. Yearning

**Yearning**

Planes kept flying over head, but more than one had come to look at the disaster that had been and ships had come to collect debris. Since Rachel couldn't really swim that well – though what could happen to her? If she stopped swimming for whatever rest she might need, she would not drown or be eaten by sharks – she got on board. It was going to Ireland, which was apparently closer to where she was than anywhere else.

The first thing she did was go in search of anything that would tell her time, of which she was uncertain. Her ghost watch could no longer be made to work. Surely her real watch would still be in working order, she thought to herself, it was waterproof wasn't it? She'd paid enough for it to be so, though what had weighed with her at the time was how it looked. Who asked in a shop about resistances to airline crashes? From the ship's clock, was six thirty in the evening on the day of Ross's wedding.

What would be happening now, she wondered. Would they realise that she was dead, and if so, what would they all have done about it? How had the wedding have gone, knowing that? It must have gone ahead, since she wasn't there to stop it. He was now with her. She might not have been apart from any official part of the wedding plans, but Rachel knew in detail what was supposed to happen. Tomorrow, Ross and Emily would be going on their honeymoon to Greece. Ross would forget about her in his new happiness and he would be gone for good. But she was gone for good too, and not just from him but from all her friends. Her yearning to be with them grew stronger, a stronger feeling than any she'd had since the plane had gone down.

When the ship docked, she disembarked and found her way to London, by hitching a ride to Dublin, a plane to London, an then a ride to London. There was plenty of transport there for those who didn't take up space and didn't need to pay. She knew already that generally, no-one had a sense that she was there. She had tried on board the ship to make herself known, but one seaman had just shivered in her presence and had stopped helping himself to the small store of brandy he'd kept stashed away, strictly against regulations. She didn't want to written off as someone's alcoholic delusion so she didn't try again.

Once she got to the hotel, late the next morning, she could find no-one there. She went to the room number that Monica had mentioned and found that the beds had been stripped. That meant they had probably gone home, although it would have been nice to get confirmation of that. Unfortunately no one left open a convenient page in the reservation book for her to be sure, but it was more likely that they had left rather than just changed rooms. So that meant going to the address on the RSVP.

How to get there was another challenge. There had been any amount of signs pointing the way to London, and with the tube it was easy enough to find a central location, but Maskelyne street was another story. She had seen the advantages of being invisible and now she was experiencing the troubles you had when you couldn't ask the way. It took her four hours to get to a place that should only have taken forty minutes.

She hesitated at the front door, steeled herself, and walked through. She didn't want to make a habit of doing spooky things, but after the time she'd had getting here, she wasn't in the mood to wait around until someone opened the front door.

Inside, she looked around. She would go and find someone, and sooner or later, they would mention what had happened about the wedding. Perhaps they might even mention where Monica and the others were. Rachel hadn't been able to remember the name of the hotel. From one of the downstairs dooms, she heard voices.

'Well,' said a female voice that Rachel didn't recognise, but one that she instantly disliked by pure instinct, 'You're going to have to do something about that daughter of yours.'

'Leave her alone, Andrea,' said a male one.

'Yes, dear, but we can't pretend there isn't a problem. She doesn't have a man, doesn't have a job, and she doesn't have a flat.' Rachel revised her opinion. A voice that could deliver such good news could not be owned by a woman she disliked. Emily wasn't with Ross. Would she say how that had happened? She moved towards the door. 'What's she going to do about, is what I ask? Mope upstairs on her own forever?' She walked into a room in which a middle aged man and woman were standing arguing. The man was looking ready to go out, the woman was in a dressing gown, but fully made up, nonetheless.

'For God's sake, it only happened yesterday!' exclaimed the man. 'She's hardly been there forever.'

'Yes,' whined Andrea, 'But, she's got to start thinking about what she's going to do some time and she might as well get on with it. She's been jilted, so she should go right back out on the dating scene and find another man. At the very least she should be making an effort.'

'She hasn't actually split up from Ross yet,' the man said. That was unwelcome news to Rachel. No wedding but no break up? What had happened then?

'Well darling, it's only a matter of time, since they've called off the wedding. From the way she's acting it looks split off to me. She looks like a bloody a funeral.'

'Just leave her be,' the man said irritably.

'I just think,' Andrea said, 'That we should encourage her to face facts. Mollycoddling her the way you do isn't going to help, encouraging her to feel sorry for herself.'

'She's got more of a right to feel sorry for herself than you do!'

'I've had to explain to everyone why it got called off!' Andrea exclaimed, 'I've had a very hard time. I tell you after being on the phone all day I have no energy to take any trays up to her.'

'You haven't even taken up one tray to her,' the man said scornfully. 'You didn't even do that when she had a broken leg.'

'Well it did her good at the time! With exercise and all that. Stairs are good for the hip extensor muscles – or do I mean flexors?' The man did not look impressed at the excuse and Andrea tossed head defiantly. 'Anyway, it's the principle of the thing.'

'What principle is that?' her husband said with unexpected nastiness, 'the principle of causing you the least disturbance possible? She's not actually making any bloody noise you know and I'd be surprised if she ever actually asked you for anything.'

'I can feel her presence, up there, all of that misery,' Andrea said waving a hand to the ceiling. 'It's depressing.' She had been apparently unaffected by the tone of her husband's voice, which Rachel would have thought would have sparked a reaction of some sort.

'Well how do you think she feels?' her husband snapped. 'Just leave her alone. I've got to go, I'm late for a meeting.' He turned his back on her abruptly and Andrea followed him to the door.

'That's it, run off and hide from problems. It won't get any better if you ignore it!' The front door closed. She muttered. 'At least we can be sure that she's his daughter.' She glanced up the stairs. Rachel hoped that Andrea would go up and talk to Emily, and that the conversation would reveal Ross's whereabouts, but instead, she walked into another room and picked up the decanter to refill a glass that was only half empty. The phone rang, and Rachel waited to hear some more information but after a long conversation about the merits of one hair salon over another and what was heard there this morning, she realised she'd have to go to the source.

AN: (trivia) Rachel was actually an hour out when she checked the time on the ship, because the ship was on GMT, not on local time. London time is GMT +1


	9. Eavesdropping

**Eavesdropping**

If Andrea would not go upstairs, then Rachel would go alone. It meant of course, that she would not hear anything from Emily because there would be no conversation to overhear. All she would be able to do was see what she was doing.

Rachel found Emily in a guest room, which was large and cheerless, much like a hotel room. As would be expected of a hotel room, there was a packed suitcase in one corner. Of course, it probably wasn't Emily's actual room. She had an apartment of her own - or used to have - and didn't actually live here. The plan must have been that she give up the apartment and stay with her father until the wedding. It was odd that she wasn't in the bedroom she had had as a child, rather than a guest room – but then, this might not have been the childhood home, or if it was, there might have been redecoration.

Emily was in a chair by the window, looking out. Rachel stood and looked over her shoulder at the outside but couldn't see anything worth staring at. She studied Emily's face. It was pale and sad, with blank eyes that that suggested that Emily was not looking at anything in the real world. She'll get over it, Rachel thought. She glanced down at her left hand. Emily wore no rings. If they hadn't got married there would be no wedding ring, but Ross had given her a ring of sorts that she wasn't wearing either. To judge by Emily's behaviour, it must have been Ross who changed his mind, for whatever reason otherwise she wouldn't be looking so sad. You can't live a lie though, Rachel told Emily, even though she couldn't be heard.

And what about herself? Ross must have changed his mind because he loved Rachel…

Rachel turned away. She had lost everything! Why should she feel sorry for Emily, who had lost only Ross? She still had her life. Rachel had nothing, nothing at all. And if Emily had not… Rachel went over all the things that Emily had not done to avoid this catastrophe. She should not have minded about being stood up for the Opera. She should have stormed off more effectively, so that Ross couldn't catch up with her. She should have stayed with Colin. The list went on.

All of these things, she should have done. Yet there she was sitting by the window, not even moving. Rachel wished she could be a poltergeist so that she could throw something. Not at Emily, because she was not a violent person, but just at the wall, to show that she still existed and that she was hurting, and that Emily had no right to be miserable when…

'Ems?' said a voice at the door. It was female but it wasn't Andrea. Rachel turned to see another young woman enter the room. Clearly not any kind of blood relative as she was black.

'Sonia?' Emily stood up but Sonia had already enveloped her in a hug.

'How you doin, Ems?' Rachel was startled to hear Joey's phrased used by Sonia in this way. Emily just shrugged. She sat back in her chair, turning it towards the room, while Sonia sat on the edge of the bed. 'They could have given you a better bed,' she remarked.

'It's not that bad,' Emily said dully.

'Yes it is,' Sonia said. 'It's clear that they don't want their guests staying long. And to put _you_ here…' Emily shrugged, and Sonia changed tack. 'I came to see if you wanted to come out tonight. Nothing big, just a drink at the local. You and me, and maybe Christie. You could even stay over at mine, if you'd prefer. I'm sure my camp bed is better than this thing you've got. We won't talk about the wedding if you don't want to – and we will if you do want to.'

'It's all right,' Emily said, her voice subdued.

'You'll come then?' Emily shook her head.

'I don't want to. Not tonight.'

'It would do you good. Get you out, take you out of yourself.'

'That's what Andrea says.' Sonia said some uncomplimentary things about Andrea.

'I'm not talking about you going and getting blotto and picking some bloke up. I just mean that it would be good, for you to be out of this room, with your friends.' Emily shrugged again. There was a silence, and then Sonia asked, 'This Rachel, was she a friend of yours?' Rachel started. Why was she being mentioned by this stranger? Emily shook her head.

'I didn't really like her actually.' The hell you didn't, Rachel said, I didn't like you, and what's more, I didn't like you first, so there. 'I don't know. It's not fair to say I didn't like her. I didn't really know her, so I can't say she had a horrible personality or anything. Maybe I might have if I'd known her better.'

'So she was a good friend of theirs?'

'You could say that. They're all a bit enmeshed with each other. But there's more to it than that.'

'What?' Sonia frowned,

'She was Ross's ex.'

'Oh my God,' Sonia breathed. 'Oh Emily I'm so sorry. That's the worst thing that could have happened.'

'No,' Emily said quietly. 'The worst would have been Ross dying in a plane crash. Or Dad.'

'Yeah,' Sonia admitted, 'I know. How ex was she? You didn't break them up did you?'

'No, it had been over some time before, from what I hear. When I met her, she was actually after some other bloke.' What other bloke? Oh yes, Joshua. How irrelevant he seemed now. 'And he'd dated other women since they split up. But I was the one he got serious about.'

'But now she's come between you,' Sonia said. How, Rachel wanted to know. Exactly how?

'We could hardly get married when we'd just heard the news. They were in shock. Ross, and his friends. It would have been horrible, callous to just go ahead.' So that was what had happened. She had, in a very real sense, stopped the wedding. How could she have possibly imagined that this would be the way she had done it.

'Have you spoken to him since?'

'He called from New York when he got back.' So he was home again. That was where she needed to be. But she waited for more information.

'And? When are you going to see him?' Sonia urged.

'I didn't feel I could bring that up. And he didn't mention it. I don't know what's happening. But I'm not comfortable going out, in case he rings me. Do you see?'

'Of course,' Sonia said. 'Tell you what - how about I give Christie a bell, and we'll keep you company. She's got The Commitments.'

'All right,' Emily said, possibly more to be nice to Sonia than to accept the help being offered. Rachel had no interest in hanging around.

She had to get home.


End file.
